I believe families are eternal. I really truly do from the bottom of my heart. I've always known it. It's something in my spiritual soul searching that I never doubted. I know I'll see my grandma again, even though she's passed. Her funeral was hard just because I had to watch the rest of our family who doesn't have that knowledge. I am just ecstatic that she was happy now and with her mom, dad, brothers, and sisters.
And with that as my preface, tonight was Relay For Life. I went down to the football field before it even started to buy a luminaria in honor of Jeanne and as soon as I started to write her name, the tears came. Jeanne Smithers is the mother of my bestest friend back in El Centro, Abby Smithers. I've known Abby since 5th grade, and with everything we've been through, I know she'll be in my life forever. I think it was 8th grade Jeanne was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, but she fought it back into remission. Then right after 9th grade it was back, and she was gone before Thanksgiving. Jeanne was just one of those people you never forget: kind, Christ-like to everyone she met, she just glowed you know? I miss her, I really do, but I know she's up there doing her thing, enjoying her dad and Brandon.
I remember one night after she was gone sitting on our old couch in the living room just crying into my Mom's lap. While I missed her, I was crying because I just couldn't stand to see Abby in so much pain, there was nothing I felt like I could do. I want to just tell her that families are forever, that her mom will always be her mom. I want to tell her all about this perfect gospel that gives me hope and peace in my life, but I'm so scared. Our friendship is built off respect for each other because we are on complete opposite ends of the social spectrum. She doesn't have many stable friends in her life and I would never want her think I'm not going to be there for her. It even sounds stupid as I type it
but these are my fears. When I walk at Relay For Life, it's in memory of Jeanne, but it's also a constant reminder of my fear. A reminder of the pain Abby goes through every day and that I just can't muster up the courage to help her. For that I walk.I don't know this kid, we didn't talk, but the purple shirt means he's a survivor and that amazes me. Some day they really will find a cure. And some day I'll figure out how to talk to Abby. If he can survive cancer, I can tell Abby right? Right.
